Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
