Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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