he wants to bone in the snuggie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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