Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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