How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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