I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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