Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
