Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
