Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
even my farts smell like vagina
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize