My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
