I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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