my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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