This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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