I got chris browned last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize