I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
