omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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