I think I just saw someone hide a body.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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