I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
