she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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