i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
