The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
