If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
