please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
