I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize