i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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