and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
