I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
