There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
birth control should be required to get into college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
