Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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