Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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