i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was CRYING into my vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
