Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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