True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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