How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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