Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
