Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
