It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
