Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish you could order shots online.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
try to milk me bitch
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