i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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