U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have demons in me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
