Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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