There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you made out with another girl for some wings
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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