There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
