Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
