How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
