I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
