it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
