even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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