worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
