quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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