420 ftw
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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