Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
