Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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