I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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