Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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