it wasn't lemon gatorade
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
