Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
