she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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