dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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