But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
