you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
