Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
