what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
