haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize