Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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