i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
