I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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