went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
