You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
