Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
