Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
there is glitter all over my balls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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