16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
