When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
