omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
